Suffering

I have started a thing I’ve been calling 100 words for 100 days. I’m on day 7 and I wrote some this morning about suffering and would like to share it with you.

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Day 7: 2.1.23

6:23 a.m.

I feel like I should write about suffering today!

Today’s the day, or so I say. I’m starting the trip down quitting lane again. Nicotine that is. I’m already a little anxious.

I put my patch on about 15 minutes ago and it seems to be helping some. That’s the thing about nicotine patches, they rarely “kick in,” it’s more of a, behind-the-scenes assistant you don’t really know is there, but it’s there, and it’s helping.

I’ve been thinking a lot about suffering because I feel like in some ways it has to do with discipline, and I’m horrible at discipline. I think God want’s us to be more disciplined, endure suffering.

I read in an article recently,

“Instead, we as christians are called to see suffering as a part of life meant to dissatisfy us with the present fallen world and to instill in us a longing for eternity.”

I think it takes a form of suffering, or discipline to become a better person, to look at things and ways in your life you aren’t satisfied with, identify them, and then begin to change them. No one likes change, especially not hard change, change that causes suffering. But I have found, it’s there in the hard change where the real magic happens, where you see the fruit of what God is doing in your life much clearer.

I have tried to quit nicotine several, I mean several times! It has come in the form of first quitting smoking cigarettes, which I did a few times for long stints, only to fall to the temptation and ignorance of thinking I could just have a few now and then.

I have quit smoking by dipping Copenhagen a few times over the years. But one problem is, I don't do anything half way and Copenhagen becomes worse for me than smoking!

I have quit smoking by using nicotine gum and or lozenges, only to end up addicted to them.

I haven’t smoked a cigarette in at least a year now, which is a big win. A few months back I had a run with Copenhagen and finally put it down for good.

So, lately I have been spending my hard earned money on these little packs of relief in the form of gum and lozenges once again.

And today… I’m done. I’m ready to endure my suffering, to exercise my weak discipline, and better myself and my health by letting go of nicotine for good.

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Pray for me, for I share this as a way to hold my self accountable, to reach out to my online friends and ask they keep me in their thoughts and prayers, to leave words of encouragement if they feel it in their hearts, and to also keep their eyes open, open to what they may see in themselves could use a little exercise, and if they may, begin this journey with me.

Always,

Mikel